Impossible Soul: A Short Story [other worlds]
On the question of after we die, and before we were born
Author’s Note (Rexy Dorado): Maybe it’s the excitement from seeing John’s latest Maharlika sketches for track 8, but I’m feeling particularly inspired today after a bit of a creative lull. So here’s an unexpected second sci-fi short for the day, written in one sitting this afternoon, in case you are inclined to take a peek.
I recently came upon the story of the case of Suresh Verma in India via the MrBallen Youtube channel, and that led to a few gears turning which eventually fed the main concept of this piece.
In some ways, I think of this as a sibling piece to Dramamine, though there are pretty different with few direct parallels. One of those parallels is that it’s also linked to a song. This time it’s Impossible Soul by Sufjan Stevens—check it out!
TRANSCRIPT FROM THE INVESTIGATION OF THE TRAITOR ARMISTICE JURA BY DET. WYNLE ADEBEPO
ADEBEPO: We’re recording now. Ready to get started?
JURA: Waiting for you, Detective.
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] Sorry. Formalities first. State your name?
JURA: Armistice Jura. You can call me Armie, if you want.
ADEBEPO: And how long have you held that name, Armie?
JURA: Since my first life, actually. I like it. Don’t you? It has texture.
ADEBEPO: How would you say you identify?
JURA: I’m easy. I go with whatever body I happen to end up in, in the current life. So female, currently. Not that it makes a difference. It’s all just a game for us here, anyway. Isn’t it?
ADEBEPO: Is that what you believe?
JURA: It’s the truth. We’re all just playing until we get bored and decide we’re ready to move on to our afterlife on sweet baby Earth. That’s the real prize, no?
ADEBEPO: Well… I think things just recently got a bit more complicated than that. But you know that. We’ll get to it. I’ll try to keep us on track. Now, Armie—
JURA: What about you? Same questions.
ADEBEPO: I’m Detective Wynle Adebepo. I got the name a few cycles back, decided to keep it for a while. No strong preference in terms of gender—
JURA: What about preference in terms of nicknames? Can I call you Winnie? No, wait—I like Wynle.
ADEBEPO: Call me whatever makes you comfortable, Armie.
JURA: Whatever gets me talking, you mean? Don’t worry. I’m ready to talk. At least at the level of who, what, where, when, and why. Hit me with it.
ADEBEPO: Let’s start from the beginning. I wanna know more about you.
JURA: You’re sweet.
ADEBEPO: Ha. You’d be surprised. Anyway, where was I… Armie, when did you start working in the Child Planet?
JURA: By our timescale? A little over four thousand days ago. By Earth years, around 274. That’s what it’s called by the way. It has a name, you know.
ADEBEPO: Right, of course. Earth. And what made you choose your profession—being a Watchman?
JURA: The usual. Most people would kill for the chance. To be able to test drive the Earth experience before I made the decision to migrate for real. I’m sure you would do it, too, wouldn’t you, if you could?
ADEBEPO: It may be hard for you to believe, but I like it here.
JURA: Really? How many cycles have you been through?
ADEBEPO: At least 1,704 lives on our Parent Planet Tera.
JURA: Oh wow, you really like it here! I’m scared to ask what you did with those lifespans. And how long it took you to burn through them all.
ADEBEPO: I don’t think it’s that strange to enjoy being able to live without consequence. If anything, the opposite is more puzzling to me. I don’t see the appeal, frankly.
JURA: Not every Teranese shares your joie de vivre.
ADEBEPO: Guess not. So anyway—you took the job because not everyone gets the chance and why not.
JURA: More or less.
ADEBEPO: At the time, you had no intention of…
JURA: Doing the big bad thing? No. If anything, I believed in all of what they fed me. And the importance of it all. Who wouldn’t, right? There’s a lot that’s noble and beautiful about the whole project. I had lived my share of lives by then, and I was definitely getting a bit bored. I can’t imagine how it must have been, living here on Tera before they invented Earth. To just live and die and be reborn again, remembering it all, with no other choice.
[Pause.]
JURA: I think whenever the Grandfather had his Eureka moment and embarked on his mission to forge his Child Planet Earth—to create a version of our world, but where we can truly start anew each time, no memory of our past lives—I think it was genius. I still do. Not just the audacity of it but the sheer engineering and intelligence it must have demanded. It’s breathtaking.
ADEBEPO: Why do you think you were chosen to be a Watchman?
JURA: I was good with people. At least that’s what they said. I think I was just lonely and scared and too eager to please. And maybe I still am, except for the last part.
ADEBEPO: You’re scared of being alone.
JURA: Isn’t everyone? But yeah, you could say so. More than the average person.
ADEBEPO: Was there anything else?
JURA: Resourcefulness, maybe? I’ve always been fascinated by how things work. As far as the higher-ups were concerned, that just meant I would be good at fixing things when they glitched.
ADEBEPO: What was it like for you—living as a Teranese among humans?
JURA: It was… funny, at first. People act differently when they don’t know what happens when they die. They get so scared. The smallest things would wind them up. But I started noticing at some point… how they lived so brightly. The things they made, every now and then, would move me in ways that I never could have imagined. I fell in love with it. So it was incredible, until it got sad.
ADEBEPO: What made it sad?
JURA: You wouldn’t get it. Maybe intellectually you do, but it hits different when you experience it. There’s something about a life there that’s just so precious—even if the soul continues, you lose something when that one life span fizzles out.
ADEBEPO: Some would say that’s exactly what makes them live so brightly.
JURA: Absolutely. And that’s 100% true, don’t get me wrong. But to have that decision made for you—to have no agency in whether or not your life continues. It weighed on me, to see it again and again.
ADEBEPO: That’s a funny way to put it. Every soul on Earth was a Teranese that chose to be there, right? So what makes you say they had no agency?
JURA: You’re speaking as someone who has lived his entire life in a world where a soul and a person are the same thing. But it’s not. A person is their memories, their experiences—and when death severs that irreversibly, then you’re not talking about the same person anymore. The version of their soul that chose to voluntarily inhabit a world without rebirth might as well have been a stranger.
ADEBEPO: Alright! I don’t want to argue, Armie, just trying to understand. So when did you…
JURA: Take my first step toward the dark side?
ADEBEPO: Sure. Not my words, but sure.
JURA: You want me to talk about Suresh Verma, right? Of course you do. I was in India. A city called Agra. I don’t remember how many friends I had made and lost at that point. I went through the cycle of hurt and then numbness and then learning to hurt again. And then I saw this man, lying dead with his family around him, grieving. And it was just… so… fucking sad. But I could see his soul was still there, still lingering over his dead shell, getting ready to move to the next vessel. And I… ha.
ADEBEPO: Hm?
JURA: I just realized we don’t even have a word to describe it, do we? Not yet, anyway. I’m sure by the time the press gets a hold of this, we’ll come up with something. But what do you call it, flipping that switch? So that one can carry memories again across lives?
ADEBEPO: You know, I think you’re right. I don’t know the word for it.
JURA: I’m gonna make your job of writing that report later a bit harder. I can’t lie, I’m enjoying the thought.
ADEBEPO: Well, it’s my pleasure to be of service. [Laughter.]
[Pause.]
ADEBEPO: So. How did you do it?
JURA: Mm! Uh-uh. That’s the part you’re not getting out of me, sir. I said who, what, where, when, and why are all fair game. The how is something that you’re not getting out of this conversation.
ADEBEPO: Ha. Alright, you sure about that, Armie? Friendly wager?
JURA: You’re good at your job, aren’t you, Wynle? I can tell.
ADEBEPO: Let me prove it first, before you start complimenting me. We’ve got time. So let’s continue. What happened next?
JURA: Years passed. I never thought I would fall in love with a human, but it happened. She was the world to me. I wanted to tell her everything: who I was, where I was from. While she was alive, though, I never… did the thing. Never flipped the switch. I think I was still a Teranese first, loyal to the big picture. What happened with Suresh Verma still felt like a sin, a secret I had to carry to my grave. But I knew deep down that when it came down to it… when the moment came and I saw her on the brink of death, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. I couldn’t lose her.
[Pause.]
JURA: And then… I lost her. To a train accident, of all things. It killed us both. I woke up on the other side of the world, in my new mother’s womb, desperately clawing at the walls and screaming at her to book the nearest flight so I could get to her body before her soul evaporated. But of course she couldn’t hear me, and it was far too late.
ADEBEPO: Did you ever see her again? The next vessel, at least.
JURA: I did. And of course, she didn’t remember me. It wasn’t the same person anymore; mine was dead and gone. For a while, I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t eat. Time passed. And I healed emotionally, as much as I could. But it changed something in me—the bigger me, not the selfish Armie who was sad that this happened to her. I mean him, at the time. I realized the injustice of this entire system, how many lives were lost like this every day just so our kind could… feel less bored with our existence. Like this was some safari adventure.
[Pause.]
JURA: And so I decided to change things. As for the how, that’s something you’ll all have to figure out.
ADEBEPO: Understood. When did it start? The bigger plan.
JURA: In the Philippines, there was this old man who was the kindest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never met anyone so giving—and strong, too. Smart. It struck me that it would be a shame for this world if his life ended there. He was the first one after Verma. I found his next vessel a few years later, and he remembered me. And this five year-old kid was smart enough to put the pieces together and realize I had something to do with it. After that, he helped me—helped me find others that could make something of a second chance. At least while I was still doing it piecemeal.
ADEBEPO: Until we got him and reset him.
JURA: That’s right. Luckily for me, it was a bit too late.
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] You don’t look very lucky to me. What do you mean, too late?
JURA: You look a bit more interested suddenly, Detective.
ADEBEPO: Well, we always knew that it was bigger than a few people in the Philippines. We’ve seen a wave of these cases recently, and it hasn’t slowed down. You’re implying you got to some kind of tipping point before we arrested you?
JURA: You can ask, Detective.
ADEBEPO: Pardon?
JURA: You can ask what you want to ask, Wynle. I know you’re scared to. I would be, too. But it’s fair game. Hows are off-limits but I’ll allow a how many.
[Pause.]
ADEBEPO: How many people have been affected?
JURA: Everyone.
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] That’s not possible.
JURA: Unless?
ADEBEPO: Unless you altered the source code. But no one’s been able to do that since the Grandfather.
JURA: They were right about my resourcefulness. Just because no one’s done it doesn’t mean no one can. How many have even tried? How many Teranese people have gone to Earth with the intention of rewriting it? I’m one person, but I’ve had a lot of time, and many lifetimes’ worth of knowledge in my memory. It’s possible I got lucky. But the thing was never impossible. It just took time.
ADEBEPO: Then we can find it and fix it. With more people and enough time. We’re not in a hurry. What do you think you’re accomplishing with this, Jura?
JURA: Jura? I thought we were on a nickname basis already, Win.
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] You think you’re playing with me, don’t you?
JURA: I’ve been clear on my intentions and my boundaries. You just have to ask.
ADEBEPO: What do you think you’re accomplishing by doing this? You’re going to force humans to remember their past lives? You realize that by doing that, you’re undercutting the thing that makes them so special in your eyes, right? The feeling of every life span being precious—
JURA: I wouldn’t do something so horrible. It’s their choice now. Whether they’re ready to awaken—oh! That’s a good word for it. Awaken. Anyway, it’s their choice to awaken when they feel they’re ready for it. It won’t always be a conscious choice, but it will trigger for each person when they’re ready. Ready to carry their memories with them to the next cycle, and the next, until they die a real death.
[Pause.]
ADEBEPO: What do you mean by that? A real death?
JURA: By real, I mean real. The end. No next life. When they’re ready for it, they can choose to put their soul, not just their current life, to rest—and go to whatever is after all of this.
[Pause.]
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] Listen, I can… see why this feels like the noble thing for you. It almost sounds too good to be true. And it is—because there’s no way we’re going to let it happen.
JURA: Right, of course. You have the power of all of Tera, all the brightest minds in the galaxy who have thousands of lifetimes’ worth of knowledge. But what I learned on Earth is that a limited lifetime trains you to really squeeze the most out of every moment—so I trust they’ll push back and catch up sooner than you think. They won’t take kindly to alien overlords trying to take away what they’ll realize was always theirs.
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] What else do you envision, Jura? While we’re on the topic, I’m curious.
JURA: Do you know that you laugh more when you’re nervous, Win? It’s OK, I think it’s endearing. Anyway, I know the people of Tera won’t be happy about this—it’s like you’ve taken their afterlife or their retirement away from them. I have a gift for them too, don’t worry. But while we’re on the topic, you know what I’m excited about? This whole time we’ve been nudging Earth along, secretly, trying to keep it from straying too far from Tera. We even have similar names. We wanted to keep it familiar and relatable to anyone looking from the outside in, so they’re not freaked out about migrating to somewhere completely unknown. I get it. But it’s exciting for me to think about what happens when these people are unleashed, no longer held captive by their lifespans, and able to truly shape their own world.
[Pause.]
ADEBEPO: I know you said the “how” is off-limits, Jura. But you underestimate us. If you were able to figure it out, we will too. And if we can’t—we’ll make you tell us. You know what this means for you, right? You’re an immortal like us, so you don’t have the luxury of death as your escape. We will torture you, and when your current vessel dies, we will find your next one and put it through hell. You’re afraid of being lonely—just for you, we have eternal solitude to accompany your pain. Until you can’t take it anymore and tell us how you did it.
JURA: You plan to torture me personally, don’t you? I think I know why you enjoy this life without consequences so much, Win. Well… I’m not interested in any of that, darling.
ADEBEPO: You’re talking like you have a choice in the matter.
JURA: I didn’t get to tell you the best part yet.
[Pause.]
JURA: You know the souls on Earth are all Teranese souls. That’s obvious. But you know what that means? It means that the same technique I used to give souls eternal rest, real death on Earth—well, it works like a charm on Teranese souls here, too.
[Pause.]
ADEBEPO: How?
JURA: I told you, that’s off limits.
ADEBEPO: How many?
JURA: Just… everyone.
[Pause.]
JURA: Anyway… as per tradition, I figured our people didn’t care too much about who gets a choice in the matter. So I went ahead and flipped the switch for everyone on Tera. I hope every Teranese enjoys their final life and makes the most of it, present company included. I think I made the most of mine.
ADEBEPO: [Laughter.] You… you’re insane.
JURA: Oh, look—my time’s almost up! I can feel the poison kicking in. Hah.
[Pause.]
JURA: Hey, don’t fret, bud. You have enough of a headstart and I’m sure you can figure out how to fix it on your own. The people on Earth won’t even know what’s happening for at least a few months. Even longer to figure out how it all works. Meanwhile, I’m sure this thing hits the Teranese press pretty soon. It’s just a shame I won’t be around to see it. Hey, where are you—
[Sound of a seat being moved. A door opens. Footsteps exit the room, and echo down a hallway.]
JURA: You’re just gonna walk out on me, huh, Winnie? Damn. I always hated being alone.
[Thud.]
Armistice Jura did nothing wrong 🤷
This one is wild. Wow.